new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
