Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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