mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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