she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
