There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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