just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
