She said her name was "party"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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