I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
