is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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