Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
