I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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