You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
