who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
