Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
