He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
