farters have to be the big spoon...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
