im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
