Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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