im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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