I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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