I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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