She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
