I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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