maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
