can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
