I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
