I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
