So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
