conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
