WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think I won the penis lottery.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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