I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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