she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
