He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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