I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
