The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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