We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
