you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
