Pregnant stripper...not hot.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
