there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
