So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
my poor anus
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
