in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
