I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
