he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
