sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
