I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My vagina is officially offended.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
