Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
