I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
