You just made me feel so damn special
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
