Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
