wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
