do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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