i don't like sucking hair
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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