hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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